Reibus

Sitting here on my own feeling sorry for myself Why is it my fate in life to be left upon the shelf? I know my history plays a part - I trust way too much I need caring, love, a hand to hold, someone's gentle touch. But every time I let down my walls the hurt's not far away And I'm on my own again, never seem to have a say. Maybe I am destined to be on my own, an island hard to reach With my walls intact, no bridge to cross, no footsteps on my beach. Lessons learned the hard way, many years behind me If there's happiness somewhere ahead it's something I can't see. I'm tired of tears, tired of pain, tired of being sad Tired feeling used and unworthy, tired of being had. Who decides my fate, did I ever have a choice? Does anyone ever listen unless I raise my voice? Sitting here on my own feeling sorry for myself Why is it my fate in life to be left upon the shelf? I know my history plays a part - the nightmares are still there All I ...

The power of music and dance. Another day down, mark it off, done and dusted Living my life the way it was meant to be A smile here, some laughter there, music Always music Dance, sing, dance some more Open my heart and my arms and feel the joy Listen for the bass, feel the rhythm Smile at the sky, at the stars, At the world Night, cool and fresh on my skin And silence all around but for the music in my head No-one is there, don't feel insecure Eight paws watching my every move Looking out for me, keeping me grounded My guardian angels I am a caryatid, a female Atlas holding up my world Pegasus is my companion Together we soar to music unheard by all except the chosen Dance with me my friend, join my private nightclub Feel the beat, feel the rhythm of my heart Listen and you will hear my music Another day down, another day older and wiser Learning my own intimate secrets Music unlocking the doors in my head and my heart Night that once brought tears now b...

Rules of the affair. What's in it for me? You don't ask but I know I've been there before, see what you try not to show I shared my essence, my life, my core It was never enough - they still wanted more I'm in charge now, I'm making my point At long last I'm in control of this joint If love's not sufficient then go, close the door But don't think I'll be left in a heap on the floor It's my time to shine, I'm at the wheel If you don't agree then sorry, no deal You're welcome to come along for the ride I'm happy to have you here at my side You come on my terms, there's no compromise If you lie I will know, it'll be in your eyes Don't take me for granted, just treat me with care Esteem is two way - I'll happily share I'm learning to read, know the score, see the signs I'll know if you try to cross over my lines What's in it for me? That's my question now I'm learning ...

Get on with life, no harm done, you're not hurt - it was all in fun. Don't you understand? My world changed that day. You violated me, you took my freedom away. Can't trust, can't move on, trapped in my nightmare. Can't tell, memory block, don't cry, don't share. One decade, two, three, four – you must've forgotten by now, for sure! Forgive and forget, just move along. I can't, don't you see that? Is that really so wrong? Why can't I be angry? You put me through hell and gave me a future in this meaningless shell while you carried on with your life – probably even kids and a wife. I've never felt valued, always second best, and everything I did was always a test which I failed, time and again. Can't trust, can't move on, my life dominated by men. You violated me, you took my freedom away. I'll never think of bayonets in any other way. Why did you think you could do that, what gave you the right to...

6-degrees of separation and friends who never were. (Published in my previous website It's Okay To Be Angry, IOTBA). That website was only closed down at the end of 2019. Maybe it will re-appear in the blog... Many years ago, in my youth, I thought I had some friends but time would show that friendship dies but distrust and spite know no ends. Turned out a workmate - let's call him B - got married to one of those girls. Years later we met at a Christmas event - from there the saga unfurls. Perhaps she was insecure but she didn't want me there. She wasn't happy to acknowledge me - she made that very clear. Again, more time passed, another scene, a dinner with new friends - not to be... Yes, I know those names, say hello from me! I've heard nothing since, maybe I should give up trying to make friends with people who really don't care what I went through. Is it right that I am judged by these suburban housewives who have probably never put a foot wron...

For Lori - "Peace, Love and Purple". I am growing roses in my mind - I think they will be purple Purple, the colour of women Women who must be strong in a wild world and smile at the odds Odds so often against us Roses in my mind grown from the ashes of my pain Pain once thought too heavy to bear Bear it now with serenity and grace and a smile Smile because I am strong Love is a dream so hard to capture in the bright light of day Day brings an awareness Awareness that strength and serenity come from deep within Within the breast of woman I am growing roses in my mind - yes, they will be purple Purple, the colour of hope Hope for a new me who will not compromise my spirit Spirit soaring on a smile

On starting to move forward again. When love leaves your life it's hard to smile You might manage sometimes, but not all the while Try to remember the good and get past the bad Concentrate most on the happy times you had But the hurt hangs around, set off by a word A song or a sound or some gossip you've heard And the tears are never far from your eye So hard to stop, no matter how much you try Time heals, we are told by well-meaning folk But you feel like a bike wheel that's missing a spoke You're flat in one spot - it's that spot you find Most often returns to the front of your mind So you find things to smile at to try to suppress The hurt and the anger, the pain and the stress One day you will know when the smile comes unaided And you realise that the heartache has faded That once, long ago, it was too hard to smile But time does help you heal, it'll all be worthwhile