To be (angry) or not to be (angry)

I wrote this originally on 30 December 2012, as a part of my It’s Okay to be Angry blog about violation. I’ve re-posted it on Reibus. Please read...it probably relates to you, too.


Anger can be a debilitating emotion.  It can also be a very motivating and inspiring emotion.  The challenge is to know whether your anger is destructive or constructive.
Most anger management instruction I have read tells me to "forgive".  Well I can't forgive the action that made me angry.  It was a violation of the very essence of my identity.   I've had to live with it my entire adult life.  Why shouldn't I be angry?  Why should I forgive?
I read that "repressed memory" was a load of crap, but I know different - I suppressed memories of what happened to me for 19 years before they flooded back to haunt me.  Now I can't get rid of them, no matter how I try. 

I often wondered why there were so many books and articles written by women who had been violated in the most horrific ways.  I realised that it was cathartic - the healing was in the writing, reliving the experience in words that could explain the emotions: the hurt, the shock, the distrust, the recoil, the disbelief, the self-doubt.  The anger.

I decided it's okay to be angry.
I want to reach women who can't express their anger, who still feel that they are the guilty ones.  I want them to know that being angry is okay, that they shouldn't feel - or be made to feel - bad because they are angry.  Violation of mind and body is life changing.  I know there are men who are violated as well, and it is not in any way my intention to marginalise them.  But I can't speak from their experience, only from the perspective of a woman's anatomy.
So welcome to my journey, and if it becomes "our" journey may we use our anger constructively to help each other.
Because it's okay to be angry.

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