Reibus

I met this girl a few months ago, She stayed with me and started to grow. She’d had an op to clean her out And now she chose to sleep about. She stayed inside from early morning And curl up asleep til she woke up yawning When I let her out as Marlene… Or Dietrich might have shone her sheen! I slept in my bed while she stayed outside, She plodded around, glowing in pride. She knocked on the door all through time To come back in and feast on her prime! She’d fight out there and sometimes she’d win; I’d jump at the noise and she would grin. She made my home and she loves that But… how would I ad-dress that Cat?

Where is this corruption in my broken body which takes over my brain/lungs/vagina like an intruder when I am a woman not a man who has prostate/colon/sarcoma? What do you see when you think of my writhing carcass dying when you know those with leukemia/lymphoma/pancreas? Just like a snake voyager feeding me depravity inside travelling through and over and in my disintegrating torso… it’s a lousy visitor which stays until too late when I do not recover/replant/regrow and I will die.

Always starting without telling me Never intending pain Except it has no control but I am Under anaesthetic Repairing or recovering Yes, but when will that happen? Stop! Leave me alone My brain is dead and is hibernating So now I am out of it but Thinking has died and I can Recover when I need to? Or can you please help me Kick that stupid doctor who didn’t know anything which Ended me up in Brain rehabilitation rooms which don’t work I still need help to Recover my brain and my thoughts but it won’t happen Until it works again Anger Pulled me into depression and How I will ever recover keeps me Angry, anger, depression, depression, depression Sleeps inside my brain but I forget things, writing, reading, talking and I feel Anger

stroke hurts brain hurts can't think any more politics liberal or democratic trying to take take take from everyone who isn't capitalistic has lost property fell down in a sharemarket bull run under their stampeding hooves those in charge - who are they? atheism good christianity bad and why? racism, other people brown or pink and whites don't live in the bush beneficiaries don't ask but are mistreated thrown into the job hunt when no jobs exist  no  jobs exist  no. jobs. exist . yet they are blamed by capitalists must be poor and in debt deeply no way to recover no medicals no drugs no money can't pay a bill can't pay for food stroke hurts brain hurts can't think any more can I please end this?

February 2019 - How do you feel as you grow up, get old, lose your family and friends? Did you love your parents? Where are they? Did you have a dog you loved? Alice wondered... Darling Mum It's ten years since I left you, five years since I saw you... and far too long since you've written to me. I don't even know where to send my letters for you now. I have written to you quite a lot, at least recently. I miss you every day, every week, every year. I wish I knew where you are. You were the angel of my childhood. You were passionate and sensitive, you cared for me, took me out, dressed me up. You made beautiful dresses for me, you massaged me, you brushed my hair, you danced with me, you walked with me. As you grew old I became a carer for you, cherished you. I rubbed your feet, I brushed your hair: such soft and beautiful grey hair! We talked together and laughed together. But I know, as I grew up and visited you less, you became lonely. Your love for dad seemed to ...

She starts crying. Deeply. Painfully. Shuddering sobs which grip her whole body. Her t-shirt soaks in her tears, clings onto her body, reveals the small little tummy roll, shows off her nipples. She sweats but doesn't even notice it; drips out of her hair, under her arms, between her legs. The clock silently ticks by. 17 minutes when she can't cry any more. She rolls into a ball, as if she is an embryo, tucks her elbows in beside her, crosses her feet. She has a very bad headache; she ignores it. Her eyes are very sore; she keeps them closed. She concentrates on her breathing, and it takes her quite a few minutes to get her ordinary deep breath back. She has to get her pulse down, she thinks. 30 minutes when she opens her eyes. She knows she has to think about this. So often it happens. Something probably really small got her pulse up. Most times nothing else will happen, she can get it down, be "normal". But if the second thing happens while she holds her breath...